


Heart's Desire

by noydb666 (Elynittria)



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-01-10
Updated: 2005-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-05 12:52:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elynittria/pseuds/noydb666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rimmer and Lister are missing each other after Rimmer leaves to become Ace. Will they ever get a chance to tell each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this universe, Series 8 never takes place.

Lister tossed restlessly in his bunk in _Starbug_, trying to will himself to sleep, without success. He thought about getting up and doing some piloting, just to give his brain something to concentrate on other than how screwed up his life was, but knew beforehand that it wouldn't work. He had already tried that trick too many times.

He wished he could wake up Rimmer and get an earful of insults for daring to disturb the hologram's rest. He wished even more strongly that he could wake up Rimmer and pour out all his miseries into a sympathetic ear. But Rimmer was gone—irrevocably, according to everything Lister knew. He was off in some other dimension, being the dashing hero Ace Rimmer. And it was all his fault.

It had been Lister who persuaded Rimmer to take on the persona of Ace Rimmer and leave _Starbug_ forever. He knew that Rimmer hadn't been too thrilled with the idea, but Lister had thought it would be beneficial to everyone if he left. Rimmer would be able to fulfill his ambition to become someone important and praiseworthy, and the rest of the crew of _Starbug_ would be freed from the hologram's increasing moodiness.

Over a year had passed since Rimmer had left, and Lister deeply regretted his role in sending Rimmer away. At times like this, when he couldn't turn off his brain, he wondered if the real reason he had been so gung-ho about Rimmer becoming Ace was that he was afraid of examining his true feelings for Rimmer too closely. Had it been easier to tell himself that he was acting in Rimmer's best interests than to admit that he had grown to depend on the hologram and to consider him a close friend? That, perhaps, he even loved the man?

Lister sighed deeply. Thinking about the matter now was futile. Rimmer couldn't return to this dimension even if he wanted to. And he probably _didn't_ want to—after all, what was there for him here? Crewmates who routinely told him he was worthless and that they wished he weren't around. A so-called friend who had thought it would be funny to tell the hapless hologram that his protestations of love during the psi-moon adventure had been false. No, Rimmer was probably happier wherever he was—if he were still alive, of course. The memory of all those coffins of various incarnations of "Ace" haunted Lister. He had used the sight to persuade Rimmer that he couldn't break the chain, but now the image tormented Lister as evidence of the appalling mortality rate of heroes. He had sent his friend to almost certain death, and told himself that he was doing Rimmer a favor. Smeg!

For a moment, Lister considered talking to Kryten about everything that was troubling him, but then dismissed the idea. Both Kryten and Cat still believed that Rimmer was dead, and neither had been very fond of the hologram when he had still been with them. Even after Rimmer had saved all their lives by destroying the time drive when their future selves were attacking _Starbug_, the others had failed to change their opinion of his worth.

The AR simulation that Kryten had created to "cure" Lister of his melancholy regarding Rimmer had been an extremely distorted interpretation of the man. At first, it had worked: Lister had left the ride convinced that his original assessment of his roommate was correct—that Rimmer was a pompous, anal, self-satisfied, stupid git. When he had time to think about things, however, he realized that if the self-aggrandizement on display in the ride really _had_ come from Rimmer (and not from Kryten's biased view of the hologram), then it undoubtedly stemmed from his desperate need to fight against his own overpowering sense of self-loathing. The psi-moon had proved that the latter emotion played the dominant role in Rimmer's psyche. _And no wonder,_ Lister thought. _Everyone he's ever known has told him he was worthless. Including me._

At least Kochanski wasn't around to belittle Rimmer at every opportunity. When Lister had originally told her how much he missed Rimmer, she had seemed sympathetic. But gradually he had realized that her sympathy was merely displaced self-pity for the loss of "her" Dave. After her initial show of concern, Kris had dismissed his continued longing for Rimmer as either a sign of space craziness or an attempt to get her to have sex with him out of pity. Thus, she frequently annoyed Lister by deliberately running down Rimmer and stating how lucky they all were that he was no longer present in either of their dimensions. This lack of empathy, coupled with her general bitchiness, had soured Lister on the idea of a relationship with her. When they had finally found a stable linkway back to her own dimension, he saw her off with relief rather than regret.

No, the only regrets he had now concerned Rimmer. And that situation was hopeless—just as the continued search for _Red Dwarf_ seemed hopeless. Lister sometimes wished that he hadn't been in stasis when the accident happened—then his life could have ended along with all the rest of the crew, and he wouldn't be stuck here as the last, very lonely, human being. He sighed again, punched his pillow, and gradually fell into a troubled sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Rimmer feigned unconsciousness to lure the simulant who was guarding him closer to the bench on which he lay, apparently bound securely. He had managed to free his hands seconds earlier by the simple expedient of dislocating his thumbs to make his hands fit through the restraints. When he sensed the simulant leaning over to examine its prey, he suddenly sat up on the bench and directed a flurry of well-aimed punches and karate chops at the sim. The element of surprise gave Rimmer the advantage for a few microseconds, which he used to relieve the sim of its gun and turn the weapon onto its former owner. The simulant keeled over backward, a large hole smoking in its chest.

Aware that other simulants would be checking in on their supposed victim soon, Rimmer quickly released himself from the remaining restraints and scanned the facility where he was being held captive. A massive machine filled most of the lab-like room. There was only one door, and no windows. Rimmer glanced at the ceiling, which was at least 10 feet above him. There were no air vents of any type, which ruled out that route of escape. It looked like he would have to fight his way out through the front door. He took a few precious seconds to search for an item that had been a vital part of him for many years, finally finding it on the floor under the bench. He hurriedly stuffed the device into a concealed pocket in the collar of his silver flight jacket and headed for the exit.

Before reaching the door, he paused, weighing the question of whether he should try to destroy the machine to which he had been hooked up. In the right hands, it could be a lifesaver. In the hands of the simulant who called himself Vlad the Impaler, however, it was a means of subjugating his rivals and prolonging his victims' torture. That last thought tipped the balance in Rimmer's mind: He _had_ to attempt to destroy it, even if that meant revealing that he was no longer a prisoner.

Rimmer rapidly surveyed the machine in order to determine the best means of sabotaging it. It was such a complex piece of technology that he decided the only way to be certain that it would be rendered inoperable was to shoot it in numerous locations. Unfortunately, that would not only be loud but would also use up most of his ammunition. Still, it had to be done—he couldn't let Vlad continue his reign of terror.

Moving as quickly as possible, Rimmer proceeded to blast the machine in various places, including its apparent control panel and the bench where subjects were connected to it. He then moved to flatten himself against the wall near the door, waiting for the simulants to come investigate the noise.

Sure enough, two simulants stormed into the room within seconds. Rimmer shot the first one in the back, killing it, and dropped to the floor as the second one fired at him and missed. Rimmer rolled on the floor, avoiding more shots, and managed to get a shot off at the second sim, wounding it but not finishing it off. His own weapon was out of ammunition, so he crawled over to the dead simulant and grabbed its gun just as the wounded simulant fired at him again. The round hit Rimmer's right shoulder, almost causing him to drop his newly acquired weapon due to the pain. He gritted his teeth, however, and got to his feet, firing as he stood up. A lucky shot hit the sim in the face, rendering it blind, although it continued to shoot wildly in all directions.

Rimmer ran for the door, dodging laser fire as he went. In the corridor, more simulants were massing for attack. He sprinted in the opposite direction and yelled into the communicator that linked him to the computer on his ship, _Wildfire_. "Computer? Where are you, and how do I get there?"

"Oh, Ace, you're still alive!" the computer gushed.

Rimmer cut her off, "No time for that, old girl—I'm in a bit of a pickle here. Need to get to the ship ASAP." The simulants were following him now, and a running battle had begun.

The computer settled down to business and told him how to reach the hangar where _Wildfire_ was docked. However, she had some bad news: "The dimensional drive's been stolen. I'm so sorry, Ace. Vlad downloaded everything about the drive from my memory banks¬—there was no way I could resist. I'm so ashamed!"

"Don't fret, old thing. It's not your fault. Where did Vlad take the drive?"

"I think he was planning to hook it up to his own ship, which is in this hangar too."

_Damn!_ Rimmer thought to himself. He had to either steal the drive back or destroy it altogether—there was no way he could leave it in the hands of a demented killer such as Vlad. The simulant was already the scourge of _this_ dimension. He couldn't be allowed to flee to other dimensions.

Rimmer stopped running and faced the simulants who were chasing him, catching them by surprise. He sprayed them with a burst of fire, disabling or killing most of them. However, he knew he had to assume that they had already alerted Vlad regarding his regained freedom and his current whereabouts. Stopping to pick up one more weapon, he backtracked down the corridor, heading for the hangar and hoping he reached it before Vlad did.

* * *

Rimmer stopped in front of the doors leading to the hangar, pausing to catch his breath and check both his weapons before making the final dash to the ships. His right shoulder and his dislocated thumbs protested the continued demands Rimmer was making on them, but he didn't have time to waste on first aid for himself.

He used his left shoulder to push the control that activated the doors, leaving both hands free to shoot as soon as the doors hissed open. Laying down suppressive fire in all directions, Rimmer burst through the entrance and sized up the scene. _Wildfire_ was fairly close to him, but was blocked from reaching the hangar's exit by a larger ship that he recognized as Vlad's personal flagship, the _Vengeance_. A shot whistled by Rimmer's left ear, grazing his cheek as it went by. Rimmer immediately took cover behind _Wildfire_ and tried to pinpoint where the shot had originated.

"Surrender yourself, Ace Rimmer," a deep bass voice yelled. "Your career is over! I have your dimensional drive now, and you have lost the advantage of being a hologram. You cannot defeat me!"

The voice belonged to Vlad and seemed to be coming from somewhere to the right of Rimmer. Grimly, Rimmer acknowledged to himself the desperate nature of his situation, but he refused to fall into Vlad's trap and reveal his location by replying.

The machine that Vlad had taken possession of on this planet had the ability to heal wounds and to restore life to inanimate objects. It had probably been designed to act as a healing device and as a means of ensuring immortality. However, its original designers had been practically wiped out by internecine warfare as different political and religious factions fought for control of the godlike machine. That had left the planet—and the machine—ripe for takeover upon the arrival of Vlad and his cohorts. Vlad had quickly discovered an unintended use for the machine: It could convert inorganic lifeforms to organic ones. Vlad had used this power to transform any simulant who dared to defy him or seek to overthrow him into a human being, who could then be slowly tortured into submission or death. Rimmer, long a thorn in Vlad's side, had similarly been turned into a living human being when he was finally captured by the simulant, losing the protections his hard-light body had once conferred on him.

Rimmer crept around his ship, keeping low and trying to reach a position where he could attempt to damage the _Vengeance_. Of course, he knew he couldn't do much damage with his current weapons—he needed grenades or _Wildfire_'s laser cannons. Still, he had to try. With luck, it would flush Vlad out from cover.

At last, Rimmer found a spot where he had a relatively clear shot at _Vengeance_'s afterburners. He quickly rose to his full height and fired a blast, which immediately drew return fire. That was all he needed to pinpoint Vlad's position, however. He dropped to the floor and was rewarded with the sight of Vlad's legs half-hidden behind the _Vengeance_. He fired both weapons at the target, causing the simulant to roar with anger and to move out of sight again. A moment later, he heard the sound of a large engine starting—Vlad was attempting to escape in _Vengeance_.

Rimmer ran to _Wildfire_ and tumbled into the cockpit just as the hangar doors opened and _Vengeance_ began to lift off. "Follow him!" he ordered the computer as he hastily strapped himself in and began checking the weapons panel for possible damage or sabotage. The small red ship lifted off in hot pursuit of the simulant's ship.

Rimmer managed to fire one burst of the laser cannons before Vlad became aware that he was being pursued. The salvo connected with the target, but didn't cause any vital damage. The _Vengeance_ began returning fire from its rear weapons, which Rimmer adroitly dodged. Then the sim's ship began to shake in a way Rimmer recognized as the prelude to a dimensional jump. "Lock tractor beam onto him, Computer!" he ordered. With luck, he'd be pulled along with the _Vengeance_ into whatever dimension Vlad was heading for. Of course, being locked to the other ship also meant that he couldn't maneuver if Vlad fired his weapons again. It was a chance he had to take.


	3. Chapter 3

Lister sat at _Starbug_'s controls, daydreaming. Luckily, the Cat was not similarly distracted. "Nose alert! I'm smelling danger heading right for us!"

Kryten quickly checked his scanners. "Nothing visible on scanners yet, sir," he reported.

"It should be visible soon," Cat insisted. "That was a heavy-duty alarm."

That statement jarred Lister out of his lethargy and brought him back to reality. "Can you tell what direction it's comin' from?" he asked the Cat.

"Dead ahead," was the answer.

"Er, perhaps you ought to rephrase that reply, sir," Kryten said in a discreet tone to the Cat.

"Never mind that," Lister said. "Let's get the hell out of here!" He suited his actions to his words, quickly turning Starbug to the left. Cat engaged the rear thrusters, giving them a burst of speed.

"I'm picking a ship up on my scanners now," reported Kryten. "I think they've spotted us. They've picked up speed and turned to match our course."

"Smeg!" cursed Lister under his breath.

An incoming message flickered to life on the _Bug_'s viewscreen. "This is Captain Asmodeus of the _Inferno_. Surrender and prepare to be boarded, or we'll blast you out of existence." The visuals accompanying the message confirmed their worst fears: The ship was crewed by rogue simulants.

"Shall I answer them, Mr. Lister, sir?" Kryten inquired.

"No. Let them eat lasers! Cat, bring us around for a firing pass."

The Cat smoothly brought _Starbug_ around to a position slightly ahead and to the side of the sim's ship, allowing Lister to rake the other vessel with laser fire.

"No visible damage done," reported Kryten. A second later, he yelled "Incoming! Turn hard left!"

Cat complied, managing to escape the worst of the salvo. "I really wish this baby had shields!" he yelled as he fought the controls to bring the _Bug_ back into line to fire again.

The _Inferno_ had anticipated his move, however, and had _Starbug_ squarely in its sights. It seemed like this would be the end of their journey. Lister prepared to shoot in a last-ditch effort to escape death. Just then, a large swirly thing appeared near the _Inferno_, and space seemed to ripple and tear.

"What the hell...?" Lister said as he fired the guns.

A ship that looked identical to the _Inferno_ appeared out of the swirly thing at high speed and barely managed to avoid crashing head-on into the simulant's ship. A nanosecond later, a familiar-looking red fighter ship appeared as well, firing madly at the unexpected intruder. It hit the _Vengeance_ in the fuel tanks, setting off a chain of explosions that destroyed the ship. Lister winced as both the _Inferno_'s and the _Bug_'s laser fire simultaneously slammed into the smaller craft, knocking it off its course and destroying one of its wings. _Oh, shit! Don't tell me I've gone and killed Rimmer! _

"It's Ace Rimmer, sir!" Kryten shouted in delight. "Come to save the day!"

"Can you tell if he's still alive?" asked Lister anxiously. He didn't need to wait for Kryten's reply, however—_Wildfire_ was still shooting even as it tumbled through space, aiming at the _Inferno_ now. The shots made contact, doing enough damage to cause the _Inferno_ to break off its attack and make a speedy escape.

A message crackled over the _Bug_'s receiver. "Permission to come aboard, Skipper?"

"Granted!" Lister said enthusiastically, grinning like an idiot. He ran into the midsection and waited for the teleporter beam to coalesce into the familiar figure of Rimmer, complete with silver flight suit and blond wig. As soon as Rimmer was solid, Lister enveloped him in a bear hug, so happy that he failed to notice the slight hiss of pain that involuntarily escaped Rimmer. "Welcome back, Ace!"

"Thanks, Listy," Rimmer whispered into his ear in his own voice, confirming that he was indeed the man whom Lister had come to think of as the real Rimmer—_his_ Rimmer—and not a new Ace replacement.

Kryten and Cat waited to greet 'Ace' as well. Once Lister released him, Rimmer shook hands with them both, genuinely happy to see them again. Only then did Lister notice that Rimmer was wounded, his right sleeve saturated with blood and more blood spilling from multiple cuts on his face. He was about to suggest Rimmer go to the medi-bay when Rimmer cut him off. "Sorry to cut short the reunion, old chums," he said in his Ace voice. "But we need to follow that ship that just left."

"You what?" Lister asked incredulously. "That ship damn near killed us!"

"I know. And they'll try again once they've repaired the damage. The worst news is that Vlad teleported onto that ship before his own exploded. I've got to destroy him!"

"Hold on a mo'. Who's Vlad? And why d'you have to destroy him? Can't you just let him go?"

"No, I can't. I'm responsible for him coming to this dimension. We should be able to trace the ship by its ionization trail. We need to catch up with him before he gets too far away, and I'm afraid _Wildfire_'s bit the dust. That just leaves _Starbug_."

The force of Rimmer's conviction caused the crew to hurry back to the cockpit and get ready for action. Rimmer sat in his old seat, marveling at how good it felt to be back. "Got it!" he announced a few seconds later. "Bearing 350 by 122."

"Confirmed," Kryten said.

"Course laid in," Cat answered. "So who is this Vlad guy, anyway, bud?"

"A particularly ruthless simulant who spread terror throughout the dimension I just left. His specialty was impaling his victims on sharpened stakes and drinking their blood. Of course, he kept his victims alive as long as possible. And he didn't confine his wrath to just human beings—he also terrorized other simulants in an effort to become the supreme ruler of the universe. He's quite mad, and quite dangerous."

Lister whistled. "Sweet. So why do you feel responsible for this nutter?"

"He stole the dimensional drive from my ship. He must have been able to target his counterpart in this dimension in order to make the jump. I managed to stay on his tail by engaging my tractor beam; otherwise, I never would have been able to return to this dimension."

_Well, at least that's one thing to be grateful to him for,_ Lister thought.

"Mr. Ace, sir," Kryten broke in. "You appear to be wounded. Since it will probably take some time before we catch up with the simulant ship, I suggest you go with me to the medi-bay and let me attend to you."

"Yeah, Ace. Cat and me will give you a yell when we get close," Lister said.

* * *

Kryten finished bandaging Rimmer's wounds, tut-tutting over the large hole in Rimmer's right shoulder. "There you go, Mr. Ace, sir. Are you absolutely sure you don't want me to splint your thumbs?"

"Absolutely, old sport. I wouldn't be much use with a weapon if my thumbs were sticking straight out."

"Then I suggest you go lie down in the sleeping quarters until we make contact with the other ship. You've lost a lot of blood and could use some rest."

"Sure thing, Kryters. Just be sure not to forget to call me when things heat up."

"You can depend on me, sir."

Rimmer jumped down off the scanner table and headed for the sleeping quarters, glad that he'd have some time alone to think about the situation. He laid down on his old bunk and closed his eyes, happy to finally be back in his own dimension.

_It's funny that a simulant was the one to give me what used to be one of my heart's desires: being a living human again. But the main reason I wanted that—after I finally got used to being dead and being a hologram—was so I could grow old together with Lister. Somehow I doubt that will ever happen. True, he did hug me when I came on board, but that was probably to keep up the pretense that I'm Ace—he always got along better with Ace than with me. I bet he's still pining after Kochanski. I don't know what he saw in her. Yes, she was beautiful, but she always had her nose in the air. She certainly treated_ me _like something she needed to scrape off her shoe. Then again, so did everyone else on board_ Red Dwarf. _Maybe she wasn't too bad if she felt you met her standards. And Lister must have done that. I wonder if she realized how lucky she was to have been loved by him._

Anyway, I have a bad feeling about the coming showdown with Vlad. I've been so lucky so far that it's about time for the usual kick in the teeth to happen. Nothing good ever lasts for long for old Arnie J. Rimmer.

That thought caused him to sit up and retrieve his light bee from the collar of his flight jacket. He turned it over and over in his hands, an idea forming in his mind. _Yes—that could work._ He rose from the bed, placing the bee on the pillow for the moment, and went to make a recording for Lister just in case things went horribly wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

Just as the _Vengeance_ disintegrated, Vlad teleported onto the ship that seemed to be a duplicate of his own. _Curse that meddling Ace Rimmer! he thought. He'll regret having ever dared to defy me!_ First, however, he had to commandeer this ship, which was ignominiously fleeing the battle field.

Fortunately, the ship appeared to be an exact copy of his own, so he was able to approach the bridge in a stealthy manner. From his vantage point in a ventilation duct, he assessed the situation. There were three simulants on the bridge: one who was obviously the captain, another who looked like himself, and a third who seemed to be in a subordinate position to the others.

Vlad carefully aimed his laser blaster through the slots of the ventilation grate, targeting the captain. He'd have to shoot fast in order to take out both the captain and his counterpart before they could react. It didn't bother him a bit to kill "himself." He reasoned that if this being were anything like himself, it would be dangerous to let him survive.

His first shot wounded the captain, who fell to the floor. Vlad quickly targeted his own counterpart, who had turned at the sound of firing and was preparing to return fire. Vlad managed to squeeze off two rounds before his double could pinpoint his location. The double fell, seemingly dead. The third simulant was rooted in place, stunned by the rapidity of events. When Vlad kicked out the grate and jumped to the floor, the subordinate simulant quickly raised his hands in surrender.

"Are the other two dead?" Vlad demanded of the cowering simulant.

"Commander Vlad is, but Captain Asmodeus is still alive," the other replied.

"Finish him off, then," commanded Vlad. He wanted to see whether this crew member could be of use to him or whether he needed to be terminated as well.

The other simulant took his weapon out of its holster and fired at Asmodeus's head at point-blank range. "He's dead now," reported the killer.

"Good. What's your name, and how many others are on board this ship?"

"I'm called Baal. There are two more crew members in the engine room, and two in the sleeping quarters."

"All right. I'll take the engine room and you take the sleeping quarters. If you succeed in killing your two, I will make you my second-in-command. If you attempt to double-cross me, however, you will regret it for a long time to come."

"Understood," gulped Baal.

The two simulants departed to finish slaughtering the crew.

* * *

Kryten stood over Ace Rimmer's sleeping form and wished he hadn't given his word that he would notify the hero when they got close to the ship they were pursuing. It was obvious to him that Ace was exhausted and needed more rest. _But we need Ace even more,_ he concluded. _No doubt he knows that._

"Mr. Ace, sir," he said out loud. "It's time to wake up."

A sleepy mumble was his only reply.

"Mr. Ace, sir—wake up!" Kryten gently shook Ace's unwounded shoulder in an effort to rouse him.

"Huh? Wha¬—?" said Rimmer in his own voice as he was startled awake. Recovering quickly, he resumed Ace's voice. "I mean, thanks, old thing. Time to get to work, I take it."

"Indeed, sir. Mr. Cat says he can smell the ship, but it's not in sensor range yet."

"Rightio."

Before he and Kryten departed for the cockpit, Rimmer took the opportunity to give Kryten a small box for safekeeping, with instructions regarding its disposition.

* * *

On board the _Inferno_, the two remaining simulants had returned to the bridge after finishing their tasks. "Nice work," complimented Vlad. "I like your style—you are now officially my second-in-command."

"Thank you, sir," replied Baal. "Should we start repairing the ship's damage now, or wait until we reach base?"

"Where is this base? How many personnel staff it?"

"It's not that far away—a couple more minutes at this speed and course. It's actually an old derelict ship that we found and appropriated. There are about 10 simulants on board, but I think they'd be willing to accept you as their new commander."

"For their sakes, let us hope so," Vlad said with a frown. "We'll continue on course and land the ship at your base for repairs. Then we'll return and finish off those troublesome humans."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Rimmer followed Kryten into _Starbug_'s cockpit and stood behind Lister's chair, looking out through the windshield. "Anything visible yet?" he asked.

"Not yet," Cat answered. "But there should be soon. In the meantime, you can rest your eyes on my dazzlingly cool outfit."

"It is indeed an eye opener, my old moggy" replied Rimmer truthfully. Cat's outfits seemed to get more outrageous every day, and this one was no exception.

"Sirs, I'm getting a trace of another ship's trail on my scanner!" Kryten reported.

"Is it a threat to us?" Lister asked.

"It's the _Red Dwarf_, sir!" said Kryten in a stunned voice.

Rimmer quickly sat down at his old station to confirm Kryten's observations. It was indeed the _Red Dwarf_'s vapor trail, and the trail of the _Inferno_ was heading in the same direction.

"We have to assume that _Red Dwarf_ has been stolen by hostile forces," Rimmer said.

"Makes sense to me," agreed Lister. "I'll slow down so we can try to figure out what's up." He cut back on the power so that _Starbug_ was practically motionless.

"I definitely smell lots of simulants," Cat said after a few seconds. "But since there's two ships out there, I can't be sure whether they're on the _Dwarf_ or the _Inferno_—or both."

"I'll move us in a little closer," Lister said, suiting his actions to his words. "Are we gettin' anything on the scanners?"

"Not yet," answered Kryten and Rimmer simultaneously.

"I think the ship we were following is planning on landing on the _Dwarf_—it's slowing down," Cat reported.

"Got them, sir!" Kryten called out. "It looks like Cat's right. And there _are_ lifeforms on board _Red Dwarf_. I can't get a firm readout of how many and what type, though. There's too much interference from the other ship."

"If Vlad's still on board the ship that's docking, he'll either kill everyone on board the _Dwarf_ or force them to submit to his command. He always has to be in charge, and he doesn't tolerate dissent," Rimmer stated.

"I hope Holly's OK," Lister murmured.

"Well, boys, it looks like we'll have to fight to get the small red one back," Rimmer stated, standing up. "I suggest we load up on bazookoids and radios and teleport into a relatively remote area of the _Dwarf_. We should be able to get a fix on where the hostiles are by using Kryten's psi-scan once we're on board. What do you guys say?"

"We're with you, Ace buddy," Cat said.

"Indeed, sir," Kryten agreed.

_It's odd seein' Kryten and Cat actually agreeing with Rimmer and bein' willing to follow him—and even odder seein' him bein' so brave. I guess he did OK as Ace after all._ "Let's go get our ship back!" Lister stated out loud as he went to grab a bazookoid.


	5. Chapter 5

The posse teleported into one of _Red Dwarf_'s cargo decks and quickly determined that they were alone and undetected so far. Kryten's psi-scan showed 12 lifeforms aboard—all simulants. They seemed to be concentrated in the Drive Room, with a few scattered about in the landing bays and living quarters.

Just then a harsh voice came over the shipwide intercom. "This is Vlad the Impaler. I am taking command of this vessel and crew. Anyone who is foolish enough to defy me will be slaughtered without mercy. You have been warned. End of message."

"Nice guy," commented Lister sarcastically.

"He's probably headed for the Drive Room," Rimmer said. "I'll go check it out. You guys wait here. If we're lucky, the existing crew will fight Vlad, making the odds a little better. Then you can pick off the remainder."

"No way," Lister said. "I'm comin' with you."

"Me too," chimed in Cat and Kryten, practically simultaneously.

"If you insist on going, we should at least split up into two groups so we can make a coordinated attack on the Drive Room from two sides," Rimmer pointed out. He really didn't want to put the others in danger, especially Lister, but knew it would be pointless to argue about it.

"OK," Lister agreed. "I'll go with you, Ace. Kryten, Cat—you head in the opposite direction. We'll keep in touch via radio. Let's go!" He prepared his bazookoid for firing and followed Rimmer as he cautiously made his way through the stacks of boxes, heading for the emergency ladders.

* * *

The four members of the posse crept up to the two entrances of the Drive Room undetected. "Now!" whispered Rimmer into his radio. Both teams swung into action, firing furiously at the simulants occupying the room. They had managed to achieve the element of surprise, which worked to their advantage for a few moments.

Rimmer spotted a simulant who had the drop on Cat, who was unaware he was in danger. A split second later, Lister noticed the problem as well. Just as Lister yelled "Cat! Move!" Rimmer made a flying tackle that knocked the simulant off balance and disrupted his aim enough to cause him to barely miss the Cat. Rimmer finished off the simulant with a close-range bazookoid blast, while Cat marveled at his narrow escape. "What a guy," muttered the Cat to himself.

One of the simulants had managed to hit the alarm button before being disabled. Lister hurried over to the control panel to shut the alarm off, hoping the other sims scattered throughout the ship would think it was merely a malfunction. "We've got to go after the others before they trap us here!" he yelled to his crewmates.

"You're too late," came an unfamiliar voice from the doorway. Lister turned toward the voice and found himself staring at the barrel of a laser gun a few feet away. Before he had time to react, he heard a shout of "No!" and Rimmer jumped in front of him just as the gun went off. Rimmer went down with a thud, but managed to get a few shots off as he was falling. Lister furiously emptied his bazookoid into the simulant, finishing it off. "Are you OK?" he yelled to Rimmer, who had picked himself up off the floor.

"Right as rain, Davey-boy," grinned Rimmer, carefully holding his bazookoid to hide the wound in the right side of his torso, roughly at the level of his kidney. "Let's finish this up! Kryten, where are the rest of the crew?"

"Two are heading this way, in Corridor 137. The others are farther away—in docking bay 5 and in the captain's quarters."

"If we take Corridor 156, we can get behind the ones heading this way," Lister said, urging the others to follow him. They all exited the Drive Room, but Lister failed to notice that Rimmer went off in a different direction. Rimmer was convinced that Vlad must be either in the captain's quarters or the docking bay, since he hadn't been in the Drive Room. He really didn't want to expose his friends to Vlad's fury, so he had to get to him first.

The captain's quarters were closer, so Rimmer checked there first. Vlad wasn't there, but it was obvious that he had been there at some point—the occupant of the room was all but dead, and the damage hadn't come from the _Dwarf_ers. He paused a second to give the sim the coup de grâce, then sprinted toward the docking bay.

* * *

After ambushing the simulants in Corridor 137, Lister noticed Rimmer's absence. "Kryten! Where'd Rimmer go?" he asked urgently.

"According to the psi-scan, Ace is in docking bay 5," replied the mechanoid.

"That's where we're headin' then!" Lister yelled over his shoulder as he took off at a run, followed closely by Cat. Kryten lumbered behind as fast as possible.

* * *

Rimmer snuck into the docking bay and saw Vlad busy inspecting the repairs that had been made to the _Inferno_. Vlad had heard the alarms go off and had surmised that his nemesis had followed him to this base. He wanted to be ready to lift off if the situation deteriorated.

Suddenly, a sixth sense alerted him to the presence of Rimmer. Vlad swung around and fired at a shadow that he presumed was Ace. Luckily, the shadow had been cast by a piece of equipment, behind which Rimmer was concealed. Rimmer quickly peered around the edge of the equipment and fired his bazookoid multiple times at Vlad. The shots connected, and Vlad toppled to the ground.

"Rimmer! Where are ya, man?" called Lister from the corridor leading to the bay.

"Here!" replied Rimmer, heading for the door. "I think we got them all!" he said triumphantly as he saw the rest of the gang heading toward him.

"Think again, Ace Rimmer!" rasped a bass voice as laser bursts slammed into Rimmer's knees, knocking him off his feet.

"_Rimmer!!_" yelled Lister as he quickened his pace to reach his friend. But he was too late. Vlad kicked the bazookoid out of Rimmer's hands and kicked him in the head for good measure. He then activated the controls to close the door that sealed off the docking bay, shooting them to ensure the door stayed shut. The injured simulant then hoisted the unconscious Rimmer over his shoulder and headed for the _Inferno_ and freedom.


	6. Chapter 6

Lister was frantically trying to shoot his way through the fused door barricading the docking bay when he heard the sound of a ship leaving the bay. "Holly!" he yelled. "Can you open the door to docking bay 5?"

The male voice of Holly answered in a piqued tone. "Well, hello to you, too, Dave. I'm fine, thank you."

"Sorry, Hol, but this is really urgent—I think Rimmer's been taken captive!"

"Sounds like a reason to celebrate to me," replied the computer blandly.

"Smeg!" cursed Lister. "Can you open the door for _my_ sake, then?"

"I'll try," Holly said.

At that moment Kryten caught up to Lister and Cat. "Sirs, Ace is on board the ship that just departed—I think it's the one that was attacking us a while ago."

"Yeah—and he was shot by a simulant. Do you have the teleporter? We've gotta get to _Starbug_ and rescue him!"

"I left it in the cargo deck where we beamed aboard," the mechanoid replied.

"Well, let's leg it back there! Holly," Lister called as they turned to go, "we're going back to _Starbug_. Follow us in the _Dwarf_ as fast as you can. We'll be back soon, I hope!"

"Well, that's a turn-up," Holly muttered to himself. "They drop in after being gone for years, and then leave without even saying 'hello.' That could give a poor computer a complex, that could."

* * *

On board the _Inferno_, Vlad took the precaution of restraining Rimmer's wrists and ankles with strong, tight-fitting manacles while the human was still unconscious. _There's no way he can escape from those!_ Vlad gleefully reflected. _Finally, I'll get to have some fun with this annoying do-gooder._

Baal looked up from his position at the ship's controls. "Um, Vlad, sir?" he said tentatively, "I know a hideout that Asmodeus used to use before he set up base in _Red Dwarf_. It has facilities that might come in handy for dealing with your prisoner."

"Are there any other simulants there?"

"No—it was a secret. Only Captain Asmodeus, Commander Vlad, and myself knew about it."

"Perfect!" Vlad said, smiling evilly. "Set course for it—maximum speed."

"Yes, sir," Baal replied.

* * *

The remaining members of the posse teleported back to _Starbug_ and quickly took their positions in the cockpit. "Can ya spot that ship's trail, Krytes?" Lister asked.

"Scanning for it now, sir. Got it! Bearing 045 by 090."

"OK, Cat—floor it!"

The Cat immediately applied full reheat. "They must be pretty far ahead," he noted. "I'm not smelling anything."

"Their ship is undoubtedly much faster than _Starbug_, especially if they've had an opportunity to repair it," Kryten said. "Of course, Ace will probably manage to escape before we catch up."

"Maybe," Lister said, unconvinced. "He wasn't in good shape when I last saw him, though."

* * *

Rimmer groaned as he struggled to regain consciousness. He hurt all over and had one hell of a headache. He opened his eyes and tried to get them to focus. A blurred shape stood above him. He recognized who it was when he heard the booming laugh. "Welcome back, Ace Rimmer!" Vlad sneered, deliberately kicking him in the fresh wound in his side. Rimmer gasped and tried to curl up to protect himself.

"Get used to pain, Ace—it will be your constant companion from now on," gloated Vlad. He bent down and pulled a knife out of his boot, holding it to Rimmer's throat, which he bared by grabbing Rimmer's hair and jerking his head back. "Of course, I _could_ put you out of your misery," he continued, pressing the knife down harder and drawing blood, "but that would be no fun for me at all." He laughed again, removing the knife and plunging it into Rimmer's gut at a point where he knew it would not cause instant death. Rimmer bit his lip and managed to keep back the scream that rose in his throat.

"Oh, come on, Ace," jeered Vlad. "Surely that had to hurt a little, no? There's no need to play the hero with me. Everyone has his breaking point, and I'll find yours sooner or later." With that, he twisted the knife cruelly, forcing a muffled whimper of pain from Rimmer. "Ah, that's better," Vlad sighed. "I can see this will be a very rewarding relationship." He gave Rimmer a parting kick and went to make some needed repairs on his own body.

Rimmer closed his eyes and tried to breathe through the pain. He tested the strength and flexibility of the manacles, but there was no way to escape them. His hands were bound together behind his back, so he couldn't even use them to help put pressure on his wounds to attempt to stem the blood loss. _Smeg!_ he thought. _It looks like the end of the line for me. Figures—just when I found Lister again, against all the odds. I can't give up, though. I've got to try to hang on, in case he tries something stupid like attempting to rescue me. I hope he doesn't. I hope he stays on_ Red Dwarf _where he's safe. There's no point in both of us dying._

* * *

Kryten had managed to persuade Lister and Cat to take a break and have something to eat while _Starbug_ flew on autopilot. Even though his curry was hot and highly spiced, just the way he liked it, Lister just sat silently and idly stirred it around with his fork. He didn't have any appetite—he was too anxious about what might be happening to Rimmer.

Kryten noticed Lister's gloom and hastened to reassure him: "I'm sure Ace will be fine, sir. No doubt he's been in worse situations before."

"Yeah, maybe. But he usually had us with him to help out."

"What are you talking about, bud? We've never helped Ace—he's always helped _us_," Cat pointed out.

"It wasn't really Ace who was just here—it was Rimmer."

"You mean our Mr. Rimmer?" Kryten asked in disbelief. "That's impossible. For one thing, Mr. Rimmer is dead. And for another, the man who was here was a living human being—not a hologram."

"You what?" Lister couldn't believe his ears.

"Remember, I tended to his wounds in the medi-bay. Ace was definitely human."

"Yeah, it couldn't have been old goalpost-head. The smell was all wrong."

"But I _know_ it was Rimmer!" Lister protested. "He never really died back when we had his funeral. It was the old Ace who died and whose light bee we sent into space. Our Rimmer traded places with him and went off to take his place as Ace."

"Are you trying to tell me that goalpost-head saved both our lives back there on _Red Dwarf_? 'Cause I don't buy it." Cat said. "He _never_ would do anything like that!"

"I agree, sir," Kryten interjected. "Mr. Rimmer never had that type of courage in him."

"But he did!" insisted Lister. "It didn't show all the time, but it was there. Remember when he saved us from our future selves? And how about the time when he threw himself on the emohawk when it turned into a grenade?"

"He wasn't exactly in his right mind when he did that," Cat argued.

"And way back when we first met you, Cat, he tried to attack you to protect me. But he was a soft light hologram then and went straight through you."

"Hmm," grunted Cat in a noncommittal way. "Then how come he's human now?"

"I don't know," Lister said in frustration. "Maybe he found something like that machine that made Kryten human. But it _is_ Rimmer, and we've got to rescue him before that simulant gets a chance to torture him! It's even more urgent if he's really human again. Damn—talk about rotten luck!" He got up from the table, leaving his curry untouched, and went back to the cockpit, as if that would somehow make _Starbug_ go faster.

* * *

Baal guided the ship to a concealed landing bay on a barren planetoid. Asmodeus's old hideout was underground and almost impossible to detect unless one knew it was there. It had originally been a secret research facility and was filled with laboratories, scientific equipment, and computers. Vlad joined him in the cockpit and expressed his approval of the planetoid as a future base for operations. He looked forward to renewing his reign of terror in this new dimension, regretting only his loss of the healing/human-creating machine.

He left with Baal to check out the facility and determine the best place to keep Rimmer captive, stopping only to render Rimmer unconscious again by a vicious kick behind the ear. He was taking no chance that his victim might escape again.

A short time later, Vlad returned and retrieved Rimmer, carrying him like a sack over his shoulder. He made his way to a lab deep within the complex that had everything he required. Rimmer was starting to stir when he dumped him on the floor underneath a pulley set into the high ceiling. He cut off Rimmer's clothes, then waited until Rimmer reached full consciousness before attaching his manacled hands to a hook and chain running through the pulley. Smiling broadly, Vlad pulled on his end of the chain, raising Rimmer's body off the floor and simultaneously dislocating both his shoulders as his arms were pulled up at an unnatural angle. Rimmer screamed as he felt his shoulders snap. The pain was intense and grew worse as he was pulled farther off the floor. It was worse than his father's rack had ever been. Vlad finally secured the chain when Rimmer's toes were barely touching the floor, leaving Rimmer hanging by his arms and unable to rest his weight on his feet.

"You will beg me for death before we're through," Vlad gloated. "But death will be a long time coming, you miserable piece of human vermin." He then proceeded to set up intravenous lines that would serve to keep Rimmer alive as long as possible by providing the minimal necessary nourishment and drugs to slow down blood loss and organ failure.

"Let us drink to our new relationship," Vlad said when he had finished these preliminaries. "As my guest, it's your duty to provide the wine." With that, he twisted the knife in Rimmer's gut again and yanked it out, holding a goblet under the wound to catch the flowing blood. When the goblet was full, he raised it in a mock toast and downed half the contents. "Your turn," he said then, holding the goblet to Rimmer's mouth. Rimmer tried to turn away and keep his mouth shut, but Vlad pinched his victim's nose shut and forced the goblet into his mouth. Rimmer was compelled to swallow, gagging on the liquid that threatened to choke him.

"There. That's more friendly, don't you agree, Ace?" Vlad chuckled as he continued forcing Rimmer to drink his own blood. "I think we'll have a splendid time together."

* * *

A week passed. Lister's anxiety and tenseness was infecting the rest of the crew, who had grudgingly accepted the possibility that the man they thought of as Ace could actually be Rimmer. Kryten worried that Lister would ruin his health before they caught up with the other ship—he wasn't eating or sleeping properly. "Sir," he said as Lister once again merely played with his food instead of eating it. "You need to eat to stay healthy. You won't do Mr. Rimmer any good if you're too weak to rescue him."

That line of argument actually got through to Lister, who subsequently forced himself to swallow some food. It tasted like ashes to him, because all he could think about was what Rimmer must be going through at the hands of an insane simulant. The thought that Rimmer might die before they reached him haunted his every moment, whether he was awake or tossing in what passed for sleep.

_He can't die now,_ Lister agonized for what seemed to be the thousandth time as he sat at _Starbug_'s controls _Not when he finally was able to return to this dimension and we got back the_ Dwarf. _It's just not fair. I never even got a chance to tell him how much I missed him. I'll never forgive myself if that simulant kills him—it's all my fault that he was out there alone, bein' the hero. And what a hero, too! I knew I was right when I told him he could be Ace. Still, I wish he had ignored me and never left, even if that meant he was still a weasely coward most of the time. At least he would have been relatively safe._

* * *

As time passed, Rimmer was finding it more and more difficult to think about any possible future other than a final welcome release through death. He had yet to beg Vlad for that release, however—he was determined never to let the simulant have that satisfaction, even though he had long ago stopped trying to stifle his screams. The thought that Lister would be proud of him was all that kept him from breaking down completely or slipping into insanity.

The pain was constant, just as Vlad had promised. Although Vlad had been unable to locate a stake on which to impale his latest victim, he had found an old spear of Asmodeus's that served a similar purpose. He had run it right through Rimmer's body, about midway up his rib cage, carefully avoiding puncturing the lungs. The spear was then left in place, repeatedly being twisted or moved by Vlad to intensify the pain it was causing.

Although Rimmer tried his best to remove his mind from his body while being tortured—which happened with distressing frequency—he was unable to fully escape into his happy memories of times with Lister and his fantasies of even better times to come. The agony was just too overwhelming. Escape from the lab seemed impossible. He was weakening more every day, and he doubted he would be able to survive if disconnected from the IV lines that were sustaining his body.

_I just want to be able to say goodbye to Lister. Then I could die happy, knowing that he'll have the gift I left him to make him happy. Please, let me hang on long enough to see him one more time_, he pleaded to a god in which he did not believe.

* * *

After two and a half weeks, _Starbug_ had reached a point where the trail went cold. "I'm sorry, Mr. Lister, sir," Kryten said as gently as possible. "It's impossible to tell where they went from here. They could have landed on any one of these planetoids," he continued, gesturing at the many small planetoids visible through the windshield.

"Well, we'll land on each of 'em in turn, then," Lister said grimly. "I'm not givin' up yet."

Kryten and Cat exchanged glances. They both felt Rimmer couldn't possibly be still alive—or if he were, that it was futile to hope he could ever be restored to health and sanity. But Lister was their unacknowledged captain, and they couldn't let him down. So Cat picked a planetoid at random and pointed _Starbug_ toward it, silently shaking his head at the hopelessness of their search.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been almost a month since Rimmer had fallen into Vlad's hands, and the search for him had yielded no clues as to where he might be. Kryten tried to prepare Lister to accept that Rimmer might never be found, but Lister refused to give up hope.

_Red Dwarf_ had long ago caught up with _Starbug_, so they were now living in the main ship and simply using _Starbug_ to explore the various nearby planetoids. Lister had hoped that Holly's powerful sensors might have been able to detect Rimmer, but so far Holly hadn't been able to provide much help.

"Mr. Lister, sir," Kryten ventured one night after another day of fruitless searching, "perhaps the simulant ship was equipped with a dimensional drive, in which case Mr. Rimmer is long gone from this dimension."

"Nah—Rimmer said it was the ship he was chasin' that stole his drive, and he blew that ship to bits. I doubt the sims in this dimension have managed to invent that kind of thing on their own."

"There're only three more possible planetoids left in this area," Cat stated.

"Yeah, well, let's finish searchin' them before we go to plan B," Lister said firmly.

"What's plan B?" Cat asked, puzzled.

"I dunno yet. I'll think of one when—I mean, if—we reach that point," Lister replied, letting his internal doubts make a rare outward appearance. "I think I'm gonna try to get some sleep for now." He knew he wouldn't really sleep, but he wanted to escape the depressing conversation and be alone with his thoughts of Rimmer.

* * *

The next day the posse boarded _Starbug_ and set a course for a pair of planetoids that orbited each other. The first, larger planetoid revealed no traces of Rimmer, and even the doggedly optimistic Lister admitted out loud that the chances of finding Rimmer—dead or alive—were rapidly dwindling.

They had time for exploring one more planetoid before calling it a day and returning to _Red Dwarf_, so they landed on the smaller planetoid orbiting their original destination. The scanners hadn't indicated any life while they were landing, so everyone was surprised when they disembarked from the _Bug_ and Kryten announced that his psi-scan was indicating lifeforms deep within the planet's surface.

"Is it Rimmer?" Lister asked eagerly.

"It's impossible to tell, sir," Kryten replied. "The reading is very faint, but indicates three lifeforms somewhere beneath the surface. I suggest we fan out a bit and search for any entrances."

With renewed hope, Lister moved off to begin his search. After about 10 minutes, he heard Kryten calling over the radio. "Sirs! The reading is getting stronger in this direction—we should concentrate our efforts over here."

Between the psi-scan and Cat's nose, it wasn't long before the posse found a cunningly disguised entrance in a small cave. "Prepare your laser blasters," Lister said in a fierce, determined tone. "We're goin' in." They were armed with the weapons recovered from the simulants they had killed on board _Red Dwarf_, since these seemed to be more effective than bazookoids in permanently stopping simulants. There was a slight clicking noise as they all armed their weapons. Lister then pushed on the rock blocking the entrance, which noiselessly rolled to one side to reveal a staircase, hewn out of rock, leading downward.

Lister went first, followed by Kryten and then the Cat. "There's one life sign coming from someplace to the right of us," Kryten whispered in Lister's ear. "The other two seem to be on a deeper level."

"Let's check out the single life sign first," Lister whispered back.

Kryten pointed out a corridor heading to the right. "This way, sirs."

Within moments, they reached a door behind which Kryten indicated there was a simulant. _Damn!_ thought Lister. _I guess it would've been too easy for it to actually have been Rimmer so we could get him the hell outta here._ He signaled to the others to position themselves on either side of the doorway, while he covered the middle. "OK, Cat," ordered Lister, "open the door."

Cat reached up to hit the controls, which luckily were not encoded. The door hissed open and Lister went in shooting. The simulant seated at some type of control panel only had time to twist around in its chair to see what the disturbance was before Lister and the Cat simultaneously landed fatal shots. The simulant slipped off the chair and laid still.

"D'you think he had time to sound an alarm?" asked Lister.

"I don't hear anything," Cat replied after listening for a moment.

"Good. Which way to the other life signs, Kryten?"

Kryten took the lead and gestured for the others to follow.

* * *

As they reached the lowest level of the complex, they heard a scream emanating from somewhere far down a long, poorly lit corridor.

"That was Rimmer!" exclaimed Lister in a low voice. "Hurry!" He ran down the corridor, relieved to know Rimmer was still alive, but worried about what shape he might be in. As he neared the room from which the scream had come, he saw the massive simulant that he had last seen kicking Rimmer. He was laughing and holding up a hand in seeming triumph. Blood dripped from his fingers.

"Well, Ace," the simulant rumbled in a bass voice. "It looks like you're not man enough to escape from Vlad the Impaler. Go on, beg me to put an end to your misery."

"Never" came the reply in a hoarse, faint voice that was still recognizably Rimmer's.

Lister had heard and seen enough. With a roar, he burst through the door, followed closely by the Cat. "Get yer smeggin' hands off me friend!" Lister yelled as he poured laser fire into Vlad. Cat added his fire to Lister's, and the combined fusillade soon proved too much for the simulant, who collapsed in a smoking heap. Cat ran over to check whether the simulant was really dead or simply pretending, while Lister turned his attention to Rimmer.

_Oh my god!_ Lister said to himself as he finally got a good look at Rimmer. Bile rose up in his throat and it was all he could do to keep himself from vomiting. Rimmer was naked, thoroughly covered in blood, and barely conscious. The weight of his body, skeletal though it was, was contributing to the unnatural strain on his obviously dislocated shoulders and arms, which were manacled behind his back and attached to a hook and pulley system in the ceiling. His head lolled on his chest, and the blond Ace wig was gone. A spear penetrated Rimmer's chest and exited his back. Knives stuck out of various parts of his body, and he was missing his left eye and right ear. His knees looked broken. The worst outrage, in Lister's eyes, was that he had also been castrated, apparently fairly recently judging from the freshness of the blood in that area. His stomach turned over as he recalled the simulant's taunt to Rimmer just before he had launched his attack. _Oh smeg! If only I'd been a few minutes earlier....I'm so sorry, Rimmer!_

Kryten entered the room and took in the scene. "Oh, my heavens!" was his shocked response.

Lister dropped his weapon and went up to Rimmer, gently touching him on the cheek. "Rimmer?" he asked quietly. "Can ya hear me, mate?"

Rimmer wearily opened his one eye and smiled wanly. "Listy," he croaked. "Knew... you'd...come."

Kryten was inspecting the IVs that were attached to Rimmer. "Sir," he said quietly to Lister, "if we remove these IVs, it will probably kill Mr. Rimmer."

Rimmer couldn't hear what Kryten was saying, but he guessed he was giving Lister the bad news regarding his likelihood of survival. He had known for quite some time that he was past rescuing. It bothered him, of course, but he had grown to accept it. "Go ahead," Rimmer said, catching Lister's eyes. "I want...to go...home." The effort it took to say this nearly exhausted him, but he saw with relief that he had managed to convince Lister to set him free.

"Kryten, detach the IVs. Cat, look around to see if you can find any keys that might unlock these manacles." Lister pulled over a crate to stand on so he could reach the pulley and take the strain off Rimmer's arms. He lowered Rimmer as gently as possible to the ground, but the jostling caused a wave of pain to wash over Rimmer's tortured body, pulling him back into unconsciousness.

"Try these," Cat said, pushing a pair of keys into Lister's hands and then bending over to inspect Rimmer. "Shit. He looks a hell of a lot worse than usual."

"I know," Lister agreed grimly. He tried the keys on the manacles encircling Rimmer's wrists and breathed a sigh of relief when one of the set worked. The other was quickly put to use to release Rimmer's ankles.

"D'you think we should pull out that spear?" Lister asked, looking up at Kryten.

"It's usually best not to remove such objects until medical aid is available," Kryten replied, "but in this case I think it will be necessary in order to carry him back to _Starbug_. It's best we do it now, while he's unconscious. You hold him down, sir, and I'll try to remove it as quickly as possible."

Lister placed his hands on Rimmer's shoulders, noting how thin they felt, and signaled to Kryten to proceed. Although Kryten tried to be as fast and as gentle as possible, the removal of the spear caused Rimmer to jerk back to consciousness convulsively. He struggled briefly against Lister's restraining hands and uttered a choked-off scream before he relapsed into oblivion.

"Let me carry him, Mr. Lister," Kryten volunteered. "I'll do my best not to hurt him."

Lister nodded, knowing that Rimmer was too tall for him to comfortably carry, although he wished he could be the one to finally bring Rimmer home. The sad procession headed for _Starbug_ as fast as they could.

* * *

When they reached _Red Dwarf_, Kryten again carried Rimmer, who was now wrapped in multiple blankets to help ward off shock. Although he knew it was futile, Kryten took the severely injured man to the medi-bay. They could at least make Rimmer's last moments as free of pain as possible.

While Kryten was preparing the necessary narcotics, Lister stood near Rimmer and gently took his right hand into his own. He leaned over and kissed Rimmer tenderly on the cheek, barely making contact out of fear of accidentally adding to Rimmer's pain. He no longer cared if anyone saw how deeply he felt about Rimmer. This was no time for pretense. Cat raised his eyebrows but made no comment.

Rimmer's eye fluttered open as Kryten injected the painkillers. "Thanks," he whispered in a faint voice that was roughened from screaming. He exerted himself to squeeze Lister's hand feebly. "Listy," he said, looking at his friend with sorrow, "so...sorry."

"What d'you mean, mate?" Lister answered, tears beginning to well in his eyes. "It's me should be apologizin' to you."

Rimmer shook his head slightly, wincing as he did so. "Sorry...to hafta...   
say...goodbye," he explained in a slurred, barely audible voice.

"No!" Lister insisted. "You're not gonna die, Rimmer! Please don't give up!" The tears were spilling down his cheeks now as he tried to deny the inevitable. "You can't leave me alone now—not now I've finally realized what you mean to me!"

But Rimmer didn't respond. Kryten placed a hand on Lister's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "He's dead, sir," he said, trying not to cry himself.

"No! Rimmer, talk to me!" Lister cried in anguish, shaking Rimmer's shoulder. Cat turned away, embarrassed that he too felt sorrow at Rimmer's death, and doing his best to hide this uncool reaction from his crewmates.

Lister embraced Rimmer's motionless body and sobbed, rocking back and forth as he let out all his grief. He could barely comprehend that Rimmer was truly gone—they had been through so much together that it seemed impossible that they were now permanently parted. Even when Rimmer had been far away being Ace, Lister had still had the faint hope that one day they might somehow be united again. Now all hope was dead, and life did not seem worth living.

It was late in the night before Kryten managed to pry Lister away from Rimmer's body. He finally had to resort to surreptitiously injecting Lister with a sleep-inducing drug. When it took effect, he carried Lister to his sleeping quarters and laid him in the top bunk, covering him with a blanket and hoping that he would be all right by himself for a while. He intended to check in on Lister again soon, but first he needed to perform a few last tasks for Mr. Rimmer.

Chapter 8

Lister woke up feeling groggy and disoriented. Seeing a vague figure seated at the table in the darkened room, he called out tentatively, "Rimmer? That you?"

"No sir," Kryten replied. "It's just me."

Lister groaned. "Then it's all true then, and not some horrible nightmare. Rimmer's dead."

"Yes, I'm afraid that's true."

"You didn't cremate 'im yet, didja?" Lister asked anxiously.

"No, sir. I figured you might want to pay your last respects."

"Thanks, Kryten. I do. I'll let you know when I'm done."

"Do you want me to prepare you breakfast?"

"Nah. I'll probably just head to a bar afterwards," Lister said. Kryten silently left the room, and Lister called for the lights and headed to the shower to wash off the dried blood—Rimmer's blood—that covered his face and hands.

* * *

Lister stood alone, gazing down at Rimmer's body. Kryten had cleaned Rimmer up and dressed him in his blue uniform jacket and black pants and boots. He had even placed bandages over Rimmer's missing eye and ear to conceal the damage. Lister was touched by the gesture. "See, Rimmer? We all missed you," he said, his voice dangerously close to cracking.

He stayed with Rimmer for a while, telling him things he had never had the opportunity or guts to say while Rimmer was alive. When he could no longer talk due to his overwhelming emotions, he leaned down to give Rimmer one final kiss. "Goodbye, Arnie," he choked out. He left the medi-bay and headed rapidly for the nearest bar, half-blinded by tears.

* * *

Even with the aid of a large amount of alcohol, Lister found it difficult to make it through the funeral—the third one he had attended for Rimmer. At least at the first two Rimmer had been there too, and they hadn't seemed like real endings. This was different. The small coffin they sent out into space, equipped with the beacon that would take it to the final resting place of the Aces, carried all that was left of his roommate and friend.

After the funeral, he escaped to the Copacabana and resumed drinking, seeking at least temporary oblivion from his grief.

He hadn't been there long before he was joined by Kryten, who sat down next to him and placed a small box on the bar. "Mr. Lister, sir," he began hesitantly, "Mr. Rimmer wanted me to give you this if he died."

Lister looked at the box with a sideways glance. "Any idea what's in it?" he asked.

"No, sir. Mr. Rimmer gave it to me before we left to retake the _Red Dwarf_. He specified that only you were to see its contents. I'm sorry that it slipped my mind until now."

"That's OK, Krytes. Thanks."

Kryten discreetly left Lister alone with the gift, hoping it would give him some comfort.

Taking a gulp of lager to fortify himself, Lister opened the box and peered inside. A light bee and a computer slug were all it contained. He picked up the slug and went to a nearby terminal to play it. The familiar face of Rimmer filled the screen. He was wearing his 'Ace' flight jacket, but not the blond wig. He looked solemn, although he flashed a nervous smile before beginning to speak in his own voice.

"Hello, Listy. I assume that if you're listening to this, then I'm dead. I'm sorry if I didn't get a chance to tell you that I'm human now. That was courtesy of Vlad, so I'd be a more suitable victim.

"Anyway, that doesn't matter now. What I really wanted to tell you is that I love you. I think I always have, but I never had the courage to tell you. I've always wished I could make you happy, but all I ever seemed able to do was annoy you—until now. Now I can take at least one small step toward granting you your heart's desire: I'm leaving you my light bee so you can use its hard-light drive to bring back Kristine Kochanski as a hard-light hologram. I know she means the world to you. I'm sorry I was so selfish as to keep you from her for so long—I should have let you turn me off when you asked me to all those years ago. Please forgive me. If you ever find _Red Dwarf_, which I hope you do, her personality disk is hidden in pipeline 42. It's in the box labeled 'Todhunter.'

"Goodbye, Dave, and have a wonderful life with Kochanski."

The screen flickered off, although Lister remained staring at it in shock, tears silently rolling down his cheeks. _I can't believe what I just heard,_ he thought. _I never would've thought Rimmer would do something like that for me._

"Hol!" he finally called out, swiping his sleeve across his eyes. "Are you there?"

Holly appeared on the screen. "What's up, Dave?"

"I've got Rimmer's old light bee. Can you bring him back as a hard-light hologram?"

"What's a hard-light hologram?" asked Holly quizzically. "Never heard of it before."

"The drive's already in the bee. It provides a realistic human body for a hologram, so they can touch and eat and everything."

"I'll take a look at it. Bring it to the hologram simulation suite."

"I'll be there right away. Oh, and tell Kryten and Cat to meet me there, OK? Thanks!" Lister hurried off, a renewed sense of hope and happiness bubbling up within him.

* * *

A short time later, Lister paced up and down nervously in the hologram simulation suite. Holly had confirmed that it was possible to bring back Rimmer, and Kryten and Cat had gone to make preparations for his return. Lister placed the light bee on the floor. "OK, Hol," he said. "I'm ready. Can you give us some privacy after he's back?"

"Sure, Dave. See you later."

Seconds later, the hum of a hologram being regenerated filled the air, and Rimmer's image appeared where the light bee had been. He was wearing his usual blue quilted jacket, just as he had been earlier that day under rather different circumstances, and was half turned away from Lister.

Rimmer glanced down at his body and looked up, obviously confused. He looked around and noticed Lister. "Lister. I don't understand.... You were supposed to use the light bee to gain your heart's desire."

"That's exactly what I did, Rimmer," answered Lister with a warm smile.

"What? Where's Kochanski, then?" Rimmer was totally bewildered.

"_You're_ me heart's desire, you dinglebat," Lister said affectionately.

"Me? Are you sure you're absolutely sane, Listy?" _This must be a dream,_ Rimmer thought to himself. _I know I died—maybe this is my mind's version of heaven._

"Never been saner in me life," Lister declared. "I love you, Rimmer. I was plannin' on tellin' you once I got up the nerve, but I never had the chance."

"Now I _know_ this isn't real," Rimmer said. "It's just some weird after-death fantasy. Not that I'm complaining, of course, but I really wish it were real." He turned away from Lister in sorrow, expecting the fantasy to end now that he had sussed it.

"Rimmer, you gimboid, this _is_ real. I'm really here, and I really love you." Lister grabbed Rimmer by the arm and turned him around to face him. He engulfed Rimmer in a bear hug, sobbing. "I missed you so much when you left to become Ace, and then when you died—I couldn't bear it. I wanted to die too."

Rimmer's arms hesitatingly came up around Lister's shoulders and embraced him in turn. "Listy?" he asked incredulously. "It's really true?"

"Yes, you idiot. I love you, Arnie. Don't ever leave me again!"

And then Rimmer found tears running down his face as well, even though he was smiling more broadly than he had ever smiled before. "I won't, Dave," he promised, and their lips met in a gentle yet emotion-filled kiss.

* * *

After many kisses that took each other's breath away, Lister reluctantly broke off. "Come on with me to the Officer's Club. We can get somethin' to drink and have a bit of a celebration."

"Sounds good to me," Rimmer agreed happily. They walked hand in hand to the club, and Lister activated the door.

"Surprise!" four voices exclaimed completely out of synchronization.

Rimmer gaped in amazement. The room was decorated with banners reading "Welcome Back, Rimmer," and Kryten, Cat, and Holly were all wearing party hats and throwing confetti (albeit Holly's version was merely glowing pixels on his viewscreen). Lister was grinning from ear to ear. He threw his arm around Rimmer's shoulders and pulled him forward into the room with him.

"Welcome home, Mr. Rimmer, sir," Kryten said, clapping him on the shoulder. "It's truly good to see you again."

"Thanks, Kryten," Rimmer said, shocked by the friendliness of his old crewmates. He then shocked himself by impulsively embracing Kryten and then the Cat.

"Oh, sorry," he said to the Cat, "I hope I didn't wrinkle your suit."

"No problem, buddy. I intend to do some serious damage to the champagne tonight, so it would have gotten wrinkled anyway."

"Champagne?" Rimmer asked in delight. "What are we waiting for? Break it out!"

"It sure beats urine recyc!" Lister said as Kryten filled their glasses. He lifted his glass high. "A toast, gentlemen: To our very own Ace Rimmer, hero extraordinaire."

"To Ace Rimmer!" all but Rimmer chorused in reply.

Rimmer blushed deeply and held up his glass. "To the boys from the _Dwarf_! It's good to be home at last!"

They all drank to that sentiment, and the partying began in earnest.


End file.
